Disorientation to Awe

When I found out that Nelson Mandela didn’t write the, “Our deepest fear…” quote, my mind was blown. I pecked at my keyboard, clicked my mouse, going site to site trying to find evidence that Mandela indeed said these wise words. Like a seven year old watching the mall Santa take off his white wig and beard, I gaped at my computer with wide eyes and a frozen heart. I just found out that Santa Claus is not real.deepest_fear_marianne_willi

I feel foolish. Bamboozled.

How did I not know the real author of my favorite quote? I am a writer, a seeker, a wonderer, an intellectual, a critical thinker, a checker of words…how can this be?

I’ve read this quote in books printed by traditional commercial publishers, and attributed to Nelson Mandela. A more daunting question is what other popular quotes are erroneously attributed?

I have been using this quote for fifteen years. This quote has been posted in my work space for a decade. I’ve given birth to three children and repeated these words to them. I loved when the movies like Akeela and the Bee and Coach Carter used the quote on screen. The quote was supposed to have been written by a world famous South African sage and yet it was written by a middle-aged white female spiritualist. I respect Marianne Williamson’s work. I enjoyed her newest release Tears to Triumph, a useful guide for people who need to do inner work or understand emotional tolls.

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But knowing the truth about the quote is forcing me to re-orientate myself to the words and their true meaning. They still mean the same thing yet they have a different essence now. They are not words from a world weary, historically oppressed and well-known South African activist.

They are words formed in the mind of a privileged white female with remarkable spiritual insight. My dream of having understood the depth of a great man has been fractured. Even though Mandela did not say it, I am glad someone did; even if that someone is his polar opposite, writer Marianne Williamson.

Barbara Lee, Dennis Kucinich, Marianne Williamson and Lynn Woolsey

Unearthing this truth is leading me toward a better understanding of humanity. Things are messy with us. Although some muddy the water for sport, most humans just simply misunderstand, misjudge, overhear, and just take a guess. The reason society’s fist is so tight around the ideas of ‘proof’ and ‘science’ is because of our tendency to believe inconsistencies, false motives and outright lies. Science and Proof seem to guard us from the horrors of mistakes and deception. But as much as science demystifies, it also generates more questions than it can ever answer. Science knows it’s in over its head. Snafus will happen. So I can be assured that many more will come into my life but I hope that they will all be attributed to the correct source.

Movies that freaked me out

 

 

Fightclub (1999)  Edward Norton, Brad Pitt

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OMG, what even happened at the end? I felt like my head was about to explode after watching. I refuse to watch it ever again because I think it has subliminal messages that hypnotizes the mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind (2004)  Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet

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I kind of liked it but it was freaky looking at dream/memory sequences.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insidious (2011)  Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne

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I thought a demon was hanging above my bed for two weeks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Precious (2009)  Monique, Gabourey Sidibe

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Monique was more frightening than the demon above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sybil  (1979)  Sally Field

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Think I was about eleven when I watched and have never forgotten it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Girl with the dragon tattoo (2011)  Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara

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The rape scene was shocking…

 

 

 

 

Monsters Ball (2002)  Halle Berry

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That was some scary sex

 

 

 

 

 

Gothicka (2003) Halle Berry

OMG. What is going on with the torture of women in these movies?goth

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stuck (2007) Mena Suvari

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I am voting this as the worse movie ever made in the history of cinema (Showgirls is #2 on that list)

 

 

The Departed (2006) Leonardo DiCaprio

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Matt Damon’s character gave me the willies. He was overly conniving; Psychopathic behavior at its best.